First John, then me.

What does a month in South Africa look like? Well, I’m glad you asked. It looks like 10 years’ worth of dreams coming true. It was during a moment of debriefing that God highlighted a memory of sitting in choir class, learning how to sing in Swahili, that He highlighted this dream I’ve had for a really long time. I remember being so excited because I knew that someday I was going to be in Africa and this song might come in handy. The most exciting part for me now is realizing that my presence here is God fulfilling my desire. 

This memory was before I knew the Lord. It wasn’t a divine revelation that I had sitting in a pew. It wasn’t something that I felt the call to after a sermon on missions. I was an unbeliever sitting in a middle school choir, dreaming away my future halfway across the world. It was a desire that took 10 years to come to fruition in God’s plans. I wanted to do this so much and tried to multiple times, but it really was all in God’s timing.

Hearing the stories of how each member of my team got here is a testament to how God works in everyone’s life, bringing us all together for the furthering of the Kingdom. Not only that but the people and situations were perfectly aligned for the timing of our arrival. We have been a part of people’s highest highs and lowest lows. What a blessing it has been, to serve and be served. 

One of the biggest takeaways I think I will glean from this trip is the unrelenting love of God. It’s something that I hadn’t fully comprehended, and probably never will. This idea that it’s all-encompassing and full of grace. It. Never. Ends. I’m not sure about you, but I am most definitely guilty of offering conditional love, and I realized it was because I was still only willing to receive conditional love from God. I felt as if my past sins were still too great for God to forgive every one of them. I was ashamed of the darkest parts of my testimony, but I was reminded that when I made that decision to follow Christ I was completely wiped clean of any sin I had ever committed. I was trying to live life with perfection so as to make up for the things that shamed me. But that’s not what the Father says. 1 John 1:8-10 say “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” 

I was walking in this idea that my past was too twisted to share. I was so afraid of people not willing to love me when they found out about the things I had done. I was only willing to accept conditional love. I wanted people to see me as the good Christian I was and not the broken person I had been. But in the midst of hiding where I had come from, I was robbing God of giving Him glory for what He had done. He is so good and it has nothing to do with any of my abilities. He is the one who redeems and restores.

It seems as though 1 John is being brought to life in my own walk with God. God is love. If I do not abide in love, I do not know God. And I want to know God. I want to understand His love so I can share His love.

I came on this trip to serve others and to create Kingdom relationships. What’s amazing to me is that God is answering my prayers by humbling me and showing me that I must accept His love and believe in it fully so that I might better share that with others. Finally being able to surrender guilt for the darkest parts of my testimony has allowed me to see God shining His light in those areas and using it to glorify Him beyond my own efforts. I also am able to accept God’s love in its fullness. Not based on what I’ve done or will ever do. 1 John 4:16 “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love.”

I don’t have to fear rejection for sharing what God has done in my life. He has completely removed me from the person I was and the unthinkable that I have done. He loves me. Completely, fully, without hesitation. He’s provided a way for me to receive this inheritance through His love. 

This same love does the same for you too. There is no need to hold yourself back from the love of God when all He wants you to do is surrender it. Surrender your hurt. Surrender your brokenness. Surrender your hate. Surrender to Him and experience His goodness. 

 

Below is a video that captures what the last month has looked like. Thank you all so much who made this possible whether through prayers or fundraising support. It means the world to me.

 

https://youtu.be/7XfrNPOddY0